July 9. Big

She was small when she was born - just on three kilos and barely the length of my arm - yet her impact sent my world spinning on a different axis. Even when she was six months, when someone would ask me what had been happening, I felt like yelling, "I HAD A BABY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU I HAD A BABY AND IT'S REALLY HARD." Except I didn't, because I couldn't and I'll tell you why - everyone has babies and it's NO BIG DEAL. Bogans have babies, teenagers have babies, even scrub turkeys have babies. And the human (and scrub turkey) species continues - they don't kill them, they don't kill themselves and most of the time they don't even kill their husbands. They just do it, without thinking, without questioning. Me, I'm much more of a questioner. I like to poke and prod until it hurts regardless of whether it hurt to begin with. Mainly: is she ok? Sometimes: am I ok? Occasionally: are we ok? The only other life-changing event that I can relate it to is falling in love - it's scary, it hurts, it's all-consuming. So why do we do it? The only answer that I can come up with is this: we do it because it's these small-big things that make our small lives BIG.